Category Archives: dumb Americans

Thoughts on Michael Jackson

So, Wacko Jacko died yesterday.  Quickly the world has ordained him the most influencial musician ever to have lived, the greatest star in the world, blah blah blah.

When did he stop being an alleged child molester and looney who last put out an album that anyone wanted to listen to in 1982?  Since then he’s released three studio albums and one greatest hits album.  Essentially he’s the Guns ‘N Roses of pop music.

So while we’re all sad that the little kid with the great voice turned insane bizarro Diana Ross has died, let’s not go overstating his career.  He kind of sucked. I could list at least 10 musical artists who have made a bigger impact:

  1. Bob Dylan
  2. The Beatles
  3. Stevie Wonder
  4. Elvis
  5. James Brown
  6. Johnny Cash
  7. Lou Reed
  8. Jimi Hendrix
  9. Marvin Gaye
  10. Phil “Gunslinger” Spector

Let’s mourn for his family but not forget that he was a troubled man.  If we can’t be honest in evaluating a man’s life, when can we be?

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More Insane People Coverage

To be 100% honest, I’m not sure I should call any attention to the nuts over on this site, but these Hillbuzz people are some of the most frightening, close minded people I have ever encountered on the interwebs. Putting all politics aside, the posts and comments on this site are frightning. They don’t use logic or critical thinking, they gloss over facts or make them up via paranoia, they make no attempt at understanding a different point of view – they just attack.

To be honest, I think this type of thinking is what kills the Republican party.  The idea that you are right and no other idea is even worth considering is dangerous in a democracy. Plus, the love affair with side show personalities like Sarah Palin will do more to hurt their “agenda” than any liberal ever will.

So I point to these insane people who still think David Letterman was making child rape jokes and implore my 8 readers to be afraid.  Very afraid.

Daily Swine Flu WTF?

 

Kissing Pigs Leads to Illness

Kissing Pigs Leads to Illness

So first the pig flu was going to get us all, now it’s a mild illness.  Which is it? 

 

Better yet, everyone has been telling us that closing the borders won’t work, that we should continue on like normal and just wash our hands, not cough in the face of strangers, etc.  The same stuff we’ve heard since the first grade, right?  So why is the CDC now advising against travel to Mexico?  I thought it was all supposed to be fine. Does anyone know what the fuck is going on here?

Of course, the Pig flu seems like reason #174 to not go to Mexico (with reason #1 being that drinking water makes you poop funny).

Breaking News: Teen Goes to Party

So I keep seeing these headlines on news sites, Teen Spotted at Beach, Teen Spotted on Bus, Missing Teen Spotted.  It’s like fucking bigfoot out there, so I finally break down and click on the story and it turns out that 17 year old Brittanee got upset and went with friends to Myrtle Beach to party it down on spring break.  While I totally understand her mom being upset, I don’t see this as national news. If it turns out she was kidnapped, she meets the criteria for a missing woman story to be covered (young, white, middle class, and cute – notice how the media could care less otherwise) and I hope she’s returned home safely.

Otherwise, what the hell is Nancy Grace going to add to this discussion?  Will she browbeat the mother until she kills herself?  It seems to me that this mother should hug her daughter when she gets home and then chain her in the basement while simultaneously yelling at her for the next three years. 

So again, I ask, how the hell is this story news?  Is it because her parents didn’t know how to spell Brittany? What next?  Teen Asks to Go to Movies?  Mother asks 10 Year Old to Clean Room?  Isn’t there something more important that CNN could be reporting on? What about political changes in Myanmar?

Nice crack reporting CNN.

Proof of What I Already Knew

I’ve been telling people for a while that I think Beyonce is overrated and generally sucks. Howard Stern played the proof this morning. Beyonce embarrassed herself on a recent appearance on the Today Show, heard here (thanks to Cinematically Correct for finding and posting the audio). Even if you don’t like Howard Stern, it’s worth listening to.

So she sings on her own, with the help of tracks and equalizers.  How is she any different than Milli Vanilli or the other frauds out there who claim to be singers?  There was no conspiracy here, this is just the worst singing I’ve heard in a long, long time. Beyonce sucks.  I mean she really sucks and the proof is finally out there.

The Life & Times of a Busy Panda Scientist

Panda ScienceYesterday, we went to the National Zoo here in Washington D.C.  While our son is too young to appreciate the joy of looking at caged animals, we thought he might like the day out.  One of the big attractions at the zoo are the Pandas. 

For those of you who don’t know, there are only about 1,000 Pandas in the wild and a few hundred in captivity.  From what I can see, the big problem seems to be getting the giant beasts to stop eating and have babies. And when they do have babies to not crush them or kill them in some horrific fashion.

That being said, it’s important to study Pandas to either help save them or learn about them before they all vanish. As such, the National Zoo has a Panda Scientist workstation set up in the Panda habitat so they can be observed and valuable insights can be captured.  The Panda scientist manning the booth while we were there, however, seemed to be reading a paperback novel.  Either it’s the Panda version of Wuthering Heights or they’ve just run out of ideas.


On another note, the ape cages all looked a little too much like what the apes locked up Charlton Heston in in The Planet of the Apes.

Why Won’t Sarah Palin Go Away?

I’m still alive, I’m still here!  Not that anyone actually cares.  I’ve been writing a bit more over at my travel blog, and while I’ve been taking pictures I should be posting them on Fixed My Life, but I’ve been quite lazy.

Most importantly, living in a swing state, the election was kicking my ass.  When Obama won, I was overcome with joy because I thought I would never see Sarah Palin again. Oh, just imagine the news without her homespun idiot ways. No more Joe Sixpack this, Joe Sixpack that. No more hearing about her bear killing, snowmobile driving husband. No more of her horrible bullshit. It sounds like heaven and rainbows all combined, doesn’t it?

Well it hasn’t come true. She’s been on the fucking news everyday since she lost. Apologizing for costing John McCain votes, dodging questions about if she’ll run for the Senate, still not knowing that Africa isn’t a country. So I implore you news media, please let her go back to her igloo and never speak of her again. She is NOT a rising star in the GOP. She’s a brain-addled, self-centered baby boomer mom who thinks she can boss the rest of the world around.

Though, she did spawn this awesome video.