Category Archives: kids these days

Breaking News: Teen Goes to Party

So I keep seeing these headlines on news sites, Teen Spotted at Beach, Teen Spotted on Bus, Missing Teen Spotted.  It’s like fucking bigfoot out there, so I finally break down and click on the story and it turns out that 17 year old Brittanee got upset and went with friends to Myrtle Beach to party it down on spring break.  While I totally understand her mom being upset, I don’t see this as national news. If it turns out she was kidnapped, she meets the criteria for a missing woman story to be covered (young, white, middle class, and cute – notice how the media could care less otherwise) and I hope she’s returned home safely.

Otherwise, what the hell is Nancy Grace going to add to this discussion?  Will she browbeat the mother until she kills herself?  It seems to me that this mother should hug her daughter when she gets home and then chain her in the basement while simultaneously yelling at her for the next three years. 

So again, I ask, how the hell is this story news?  Is it because her parents didn’t know how to spell Brittany? What next?  Teen Asks to Go to Movies?  Mother asks 10 Year Old to Clean Room?  Isn’t there something more important that CNN could be reporting on? What about political changes in Myanmar?

Nice crack reporting CNN.

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Laundry Quotas?

I recently read an article in my college’s newspaper that apparently they’re having problems with some students doing too much laundry. Now I remember college and I remember hating doing laundry. HATING it. You had to drag it down there, sit bored, scrounge for quarters, and then STILL your laundry was wet. So I was thinking, why the hell would the college care if certain masocists did it more often? Well, I figured out why… they don’t have to pay for it anymore. It’s included. Talk about overprotecting college students. Make them pay for their own laundry with quarters. It teaches valuable skills for the future. What will they do when faced with parking meters?

The Future is Bleak and Cute

I’m about to become a father for the first time, but man this thing creeps me out… Go here, I’ll wait…

I’m sorry, I’m just dumbstruck for words. I would hope that the family dog would kill this thing if it ever entered my house. I suspect this is a Chinese superweapon that, when given the proper signal, turns into a killing machine. I’m going back to watch the new Knight Rider over and over and over again

Miley Cyrus – Shitty Role Model

Over sensitive Baby Boomer News Just In, Miley Cyrus is a shitty role model as reported here. There is so much wrong with people looking to Mr. Achy Fucking Breaky Largest Mullet in Recent History Billy Ray Cyrus as any kind of role model for their children. Don’t any of you people remember this horror?!? The man is simple white trash, they don’t have time for seat belts, matching tires, automobiles not parked on their lawn, or worrying whether their new girlfriend is a cousin or not. I want my children to look at him and think, “I’m NOT going to be like him.” Complaining about this is like being happy the guns were removed from E.T.

So what have we learned today? People from Alabama should not be role models. People with mullets should not be role models. Do the opposite of Billy Ray Cyrus. Baby boomer parents have too much time on their hands. Everyone is stupid. Here is the math for the end of the world:

(Billy Ray Cyrus=Role Model)+(Fool’s Gold Making $22 Million)=End of Days

Once again, I suspect that Goldie Hawn is spinning in her grave.

Worst Parents EVER!

I have two words for the parents in this story… Military School. If your kid is as fucked in the head as this kid obviously is, don’t cave into them. You send their ass to military school or some other child prison to get straightened out. You don’t let them marry their 40 year old track coach. Why not just send the kid on dates in Vietnam with Gary Glitter??

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Counterpoint: Generation Y in the Workplace

Yahoo! published an article on their front page discussing the myths and realities of employing Generation Y. The problem is that the response from their so-called experts is largely wrong. Here is my counterpoint from personal experience:

Myth 1, They’re Disloyal – They are disloyal but it’s not their fault. They’ve entered a workforce and market that has torn down all the institutions that used to keep employees loyal to their employers. They’ve grown up in the era of free agency and act accordingly because companies don’t offer the security and long-term benefits that used to be there. My issue is that they’re not always clear on what is fair compensation. They have hyper expectations that are more appropriate for someone with 10 or more years experience. Most (and I will not say all) expect the world now after six months of showing their abilities.

Myth 2, They Don’t Pay Their Dues – I agree with this point completely. They grow easily frustrated when they’re not in control, when they’re not afforded the ability to lead. They want to run to the front and take over without the tools or the abilities to do so. They get frustrated when they’re held back for appropriate reasons. Again, they appear to be a generation that wants it all now without having to work for years to get it. Success doesn’t come over night…

Myth 3, They Need Constant Praise – This is, without a doubt, true. They want to hear praise when they show up on time, when they perform tasks up to par, when they start a job, when they finish a job. They want praise constantly. The amount of praise they require negates the value of praise. A lack of praise is a scolding in their eyes.

Like past generations they’re smart, energetic, and bring value to organizations. The problem is that baby boomers are trying to recreate the system to appeal to Generation Y. Why not make them adapt the way the rest of us had to. Swallow that ego and work a little. It will give you better perspective and context for decisions in one, three, five, ten years and make you that much more equipped to be the leaders you’re chomping at the bit to be now.

Theeeeeeeeeey’re Assholes!

So some do-gooder group went after Kellogg’s and General Mills to get them to make cereal healthier for kids and to stop advertising to them as reported in this article. They spout all these stats about fat kids and unhealthy cereal and how we need to keep it away from kids blah blah blah. Why don’t they sue the dumb ass parents who buy this shit. My mom had an easy solution when we went to the store and I said, “get me this I saw the commercial.” It was a simple, “no, that crap is bad for you.” And then, guess what? She didn’t buy it! No need to sue the company, no need to cry and moan about how evil it is to have Shrek on the box as a promotion. The parent simply denied it to me. Is it really that hard baby boomers? Are you that bad at parenting that you look back and decide it’s time to ban everything, including the mascots from my Saturday morning cartoons?

Please just retire from the public spotlight, get your RV and go visit weird destinations in the US. Leave the governing and thinking to Generation X, we know better than you or your dumb dumb children.